Which is better?

Dear Lupinion,
I often find myself not quite knowing what to do. Should I write to you every time I have a quandary? OR, should I write to former-famous-comedienne Paula Poundstone's cat? She also has an advice column.
Love,
Purr-plexed


Dear Purr-plexed,

I reviewed the link you sent me carefully. Then I asked my cat what I should tell you. And you know what she said? NOTHING! Because she’s a fucking cat and she can’t talk or give advice! She jumped from the couch into a plant pot and got stuck there because her butt’s too big and she couldn’t turn around. Her cat forehead was pressed against the wall and she was losing her balance and it made me laugh. I had to get up and rescue her and then she bit me. And the whole time, even while afraid she’d fall and get in trouble, you know what she said? Meow, meow. She couldn’t say any words, because she’s a cat.

Lupinion is human, but if you want advice from a cat, I'll consult my cat every time you write “us” and then tell you what she said. And it would be the truth, not a LIE, and you could know that lupinion has integrity and options.