Voices in head

Dear Lupey,
How can you tell that the voices you are hearing are outside of your head and not inside your head?
Thank you,
Bi-polar-Curious

Dear Bi-polar-Curious,

Something that might help you understand this phenomenon is this little known scientific fact: all the voices you hear are inside your head, because that's where hearing happens and also voice recognition and such as.

But aside from this scientific morsel, which you wouln't have to know unless you were a real scientist, yours is a great question. I feel bonded with you, I get you.

Anyway, you should stick to voices you see, like this blog, which you can see on your computer, therefore outside your head.

Hahahaha.

I laughed right then because I'm having a good time, not because I think your question was dumb.

Chaos and logics

Dear lupinion,
What is the logical response to chaos manufactured by religion, government and the media?
Sincerely,
god


Dear reader,

This question is one absurd signature away from being quite precious.

In any case, did you mean to ask a trick question? Cute. Obviously your premise is flawed: religion, government and the media create order, not chaos. Thoe Pink Floyd hammers may be freaky, but they ain't going nowhere.

Cat Calls

Dear lupinion,
Is it o.k. that i want to make out with my cat? I mean, I would never do it, but I like to think about us touching tongues.
Cat lover

Dear cat lover,

This is the kind of question lupinion lives for! It is also the kind of question that you should only ask in your inside voice, and by inside I mean inside your head.

Think about why you want to touch your cat's tongue. Write down all your reasons. Then replace the word "cat" with something else you don't want to touch. See if you feel the same way. Dali did this with the words "fork" an "poop" and he had a lot of fun with it. You should try it too, but for the opposite reason.

Man on the moon?

Dear lupinion,
Did we really put a man on the moon in 1969?
Thanks,
Sci-curious

Dear sci-curious,
What do you think, genius?

I can't stop talking shit

Dear lupinion,
A close friend of mine is concerned that I share her personal life details with my other close friends. Is this considered malicious gossip if the intent was only to talk out my feelings about the situation? Our friendship is in your hands!
Sincerely,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

In today's world, we should all expect to be gossipped about. These are no longer the olden times (called olden because they happened long ago). These are now the youngen times and in the youngen times we all must talk as much as we can to other humans, even if it's damaging to other humans, different than the first ones. Has your friend not heard about dehumanization by technology?? We are in great peril because of the world wide web and the wii and the cell phone, because people don't want to talk to each other directly, that is to say with sound.

Therefore, it is good of you to work at keeping those lines of communication open, and if all you have to talk about is your friends and their personal lives, well then, that's your problem, isn't it? It has nothing to do with your friend that you and your other friends can't think of anything else to talk about. Or maybe you've run out of things to say. Who knows. The point is, your friend should understand that if she shares something with you, she might as well be sharing it with your other friends, even the ones that she loves to gossip with you about.

If anything, your friend should be more worried about the strangers with whom your friends themselves have shared the gossip! She should think about all the other people out there who now know her personal business and also, about how likely it is that one day, one of them might be her boss, her therapist, or who knows, even her self. That is a much worse prospect and it's probably already happened.

Eh?...

Is lupinion fake?

Dear lupinion,
Is lupinion fake or what? Are you a random person sitting in your living room with your cat, watching VH1 and making up questions?
Thanks, lupes!
O. W.

Dear O.W.,
You are quite the sentimental. It makes sense.

Are friends my puppets?

Dear lupinion,
Is it okay if I use my friends to promote my, say, business, or my, say, column?
Thanks,
Cat entrepreneur

Dear cat entrepreneur,
Welcome to lupinion!
Of course it's fine to use your friends. Friends are like TGIF servers: the more pins you pin to their suspenders, the more extra hot sauce you'll get.
Great question!

How much does it cost to get a lupinion?

Dear lupinion,
Are lupinions free or do we have to pay for them?
Thanks,
Your fan

Dear fan,
What a great question! It's almost like it's not real and like I made it up or something.
Lupinions ARE free and that's wonderful for everyone!
Thanks and keep asking questions. ...Oh, you will?... Oh, okay.

God lala la la la!

Dear lupinion,
Does god exist? Please settle this once and for all.
Thanks,
Sandy


Dear Sandy,
L to the O to the L.