No lupinion, oddly

Dear Lupinion,

I have a huge, dirt cheap apartment in a great neighborhood. However, it includes a roommate who (whom?) I do not at all enjoy. This has not been a problem until now because she used to work outside of the country over 90% of the time.

Suddenly she is home, with no foreign work in site. I panicked and assumed I'd have to move. But a couple of days ago I overheard my roommate having a phone conversation. She said, "...god spoke to me and told me I would be doing different work now, but that it will be work I love."

In a separate incident, she showed me a newspaper that had been in a pile under her bed for several years. On one page, there was a photo of Heath Ledger's former girlfriend, Michelle Williams. My roommate pointed to the photograph with eyes full of meaning. "What?" I asked. "Well I was just reading about her and then I saw that I had saved this." She seemed to feel that this proved she was somehow...plugged in? To the... zeitgeist? Fuck if I know.

So Lupinion, I was struck by inspiration: she thinks god speaks to her, and she is capable of seeing signs in the most mundane of places. I have now decided to plant a series of "signs" pointing to her moving out of MY apartment and far, far away. She has spoken of moving to the smaller southern city where her family lives, and though this has recently become less attractive to her due to some sibling troubles, I still think it is the most likely target.

Do you think this can be done? Do you have any suggestions for "signs" I can plant?

Diabolically,
Emma

Dear Emma,

As you know, I waited a very long time to answer your question, which has caused you to hate me. I understand. I must confess that your question gave me a lot of pause, because it was quite inspirational in its gratuitous ill-will. I loved it so much and although I read it over and over, I couldn't think of anything to write you. You seem to have lupinions already, and that is wonderful.

Normally, I wouldn't advise anyone to rely on god (LOL), but in the case of your roommate, I think if she won't listen to god, she won't listen to anyone. Have you considered that god could "leave voicemails" for her? Maybe that's too juvenile, although I imagine messages from god would be very long and whispery, two things I love. On the other hand, there's no reason why god couldn't "speak to you" about your roommate's future, if you know what I'm saying, and usually everyone does.