Is lupinion like luponion?

Dear Lups,
Is it true that you're really just trying to be witty like the Onion (to no avail, mind you)? We all see through you.
Your unfaithful reader,
Anon.

Dear Anon.,
You know when you’re sitting around with your friends and you’re like, “I’m taller” And they’re like, “No way, dude, you’re an anomaly of shortness!” And you’re like, “No I’m not, cat poop, poop pooped by my cat!” And they’re like, “Yes you are, cloned penis gland!” And you’re like, “Shut up, opposite of brains!” And they’re like, “Prove it, brownie squeezer!” And then you sit back to back and you lose, cause you’re shorter?
It’s like that.