Are fake degrees real?

Dear Lupey,
I keep signing my emails MD, PhD, Esq but no one believes that I really have my PhD and that I'm a lawyer and that I practice medicine. How do I make them believe me?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You will be pleased to know that you are not alone. Many people have this problem, as they try to win at being better than their families and friends. Just as I am typing this, people all across America are making a better life for themselves based on their fake college degrees, while in reality, their only skill is playing Guitar Hero guitar.

Dreams are more important than facts and you should never let anyone tell you differently or different, depending on which form is actually correct. Facta, Non Verba!, as the T-shirt says. What you do is more important than what you say. Keep busting into those cancer wards, filing those judgments, and writing those science books. Call strangers from the phone book and say you're with their doctor's office! Practice giving them test results! Wear a bowtie around your friends! Sure, maybe not everyone will believe you at first. But other fake PhDs will. And people from other countries. And soon, everyone else.

A sincere good luck to you, my friend. Shine on!